News with a Twist
Competing today: President Donald John Trump (I)* and Attorney General William ‘Lower the Bar’ Barr
Welcome Around the Block readers to the latest edition of “Who’s the Biggest Nut-Case in the World?”
Today, our reigning champion, the sitting President of the United States, Donald John Trump (I) will face challenger William ‘Lower the Bar’ Barr, the current Attorney General of the United States.
The rules of “Who’s the Biggest Nut-Case in the World?” are simple. Recent statements by our two contestants will be read and rated on a “nuttiness” scale. The ratings, from One to Five (with Five being the nuttiest and One being only mildly nutty) will be provided by our panel of nutty experts:
- From Mad Magazine, Alfred E. ‘What Me Worry’ Neuman;
- From Seinfeld, Cosmo Kramer;
- From Planters and Beach Blanket Babylon, Mr. Peanut.
We will have three rounds; the contestant with highest cumulative score at the end of Round 3 will be declared “The Biggest Nut-Case in the World.”
So now, without further ado, it’s time to play, “Who’s the Biggest Nut-Case in the World?”
DJT(I): After Dr. Robert Redfield, head of the CDC, said that a vaccine would not be widely available until the middle of next year and that masks were so vital in fighting the disease caused by the coronavirus, Covid-19, that they may even more important than a vaccine, Donald Trump said, “I think he made a mistake when he said that. It’s just incorrect information” going on to claim that “a vaccine would go to the general public immediately, and under no circumstance will it be as late as the doctor said.” As for Dr. Redfield’s conclusion that masks may be more useful than a vaccine, Mr. Trump said that “he (Redfield) probably didn’t understand the questions…there were two of them, after all,” maintaining that a “vaccine is much more effective than masks.”
JUDGES: AEN – 4; CK – 5; MP – 5: TOTAL 14
W’LTB’B: In a call with Federal prosecutors, Barr told them to “consider sedition charges for protest violence” and to explore whether “to bring charges against the mayor of Seattle for allowing a police-free protest zone.”
JUDGES: AEN – 5; CK – 4; MP – 5: TOTAL 14
So, after Round 1, Trump – 14, Barr – 14.
DJT(I): At a televised ABC Town Hall meeting hosted by George Stephanopoulos, Trump said that he did not downplay covid-19; he “up-played” it even though Bob Woodward taped him saying he downplayed it; he said “herd mentality” would eliminate the pandemic. (Herd immunity might, at the cost of millions of lives.); he criticized Democratic presidential nominee, Joe Biden, who is not the sitting president and who has not been in office for the past four years — for ‘failing to enact a nationwide mask mandate;” and he claimed that he was told “masks don’t work” by a waiter who “served him” at some unnamed restaurant.
JUDGES: AEN – 5; CK – 4; MP – 4: TOTAL 13
W’LTB’B: During a speech on Wednesday night, Mr. Barr noted that the Supreme Court had determined that the executive branch had “virtually unchecked discretion in deciding whether to prosecute cases,” and that “The power to execute and enforce the law is an executive function altogether. That means discretion is invested in the executive to determine when to exercise the prosecutorial power.” And in comments to a Chicago Tribune reporter, Barr said, that the nation could find itself “irrevocably committed to the socialist path” if Mr. Trump lost and that the country faced “a clear fork in the road.”
JUDGES: AEN – 5; CK – 5; MP – 4: TOTAL 14
After two rounds Barr maintains a slight “Nut-Case” lead: Trump – 27, Barr – 28.
DJT(I): At a White House press briefing, the sitting president of the entire United States, not just the red states said, “The blue states had tremendous death rates. If you take the blue states out, we’re at a level that I don’t think anybody in the world would be at. We’re really at a very low level. But some of the states, they were blue states and blue-state-managed.” Trump went on to say, “And, by the way, we’d recommend they open up their states. I think it’s very important that they open up their states, because if you look at certain of them — North Carolina, Pennsylvania, Michigan, and a couple of others — we have to get those states open. It’s hurting people. It’s hurting people far more than the disease itself. Let your people have freedom.”
JUDGES: AEN – 5; CK – 5; MP – 5: TOTAL 15
W’LTB’B: Speaking at an event hosted by Hillsdale College, a school with deep ties to conservative politics, Barr directly addressed the criticism that has been building for months inside the department toward his heavy hand in politically sensitive cases, particularly those involving associates of President Trump. Saying he, “not career officials, have the ultimate authority to decide how cases should be handled,” he derided less-experienced, less-senior bureaucrats who current and former prosecutors have long insisted should be left to handle their cases free from interference from political appointees. “Letting the most junior members set the agenda might be a good philosophy for a Montessori preschool, but it is no way to run a federal agency,”
JUDGES: AEN – 5; CK – 4; MP – 5: TOTAL 14
***FINAL SCORE: TRUMP – 42; BARR – 42***
Astounding! After three excruciatingly painful rounds of nutty statements from our contestants, the game has ended in a 42-42 tie! Since a tie has never occurred in the history “Who’s the Biggest Nut-Case in the World?”, we have no tie-breaking rules in place. As such, and after consultation with our nutty judges, we have no option but to say:
President Donald John Trump (I) and Attorney General William ‘Lower the Bar’ Barr are the two Biggest Nut-Cases in the World!