News with a Twist
Free trade agreement includes ducks, donkeys and dairy cows
Trade war avoided with “fictional country”
But wait, read on: there’s more administration “Twisted” news
And it’s kryptonite-related
BBC News reported that the US Department of Agriculture listed Wakanda as a free-trade partner – despite the fact that Wakanda does not exist.
The department’s online tariff tracker hosted a detailed list of goods the two nations apparently traded, including ducks, donkeys and dairy cows.
In the Marvel universe, Wakanda is the fictional East African home country of superhero Black Panther.
Secretary of Agriculture Sonny Perdue defended the listing saying, “I don’t give a hoot if Wakanda is real or not. But sure as shootin’ we need to be able to trade our ducks, donkeys and dairy cows with as many countries as we can. Even if we get paid with Monopoly money!
In an unrelated, but related piece of news, Around the Block has learned that in his last act as Secretary of Energy, Rick Perry, had authorized the mining and fabrication of the previously banned mineral, kryptonite, for use by the United States armed forces.
In a previously unreported story, Perry made the authorization based on President Trump’s June 20 conversation with Russian president Vladimir Putin, who told Trump that the Iranian Republican Guard had recruited a new soldier named Karoush “Clark” Kentapour who, when called upon by the Iranian Supreme Leader, enters a Tehran phone booth as Kentapour and exits as Super Iranian, the مرد فولاد (Man of Steel). The only known defense against the مرد فولاد is, of course, kryptonite.
While this new secret kryptonite project is still officially under wraps, Metropolis Daily Planet White House reporter Lois Lane pressed White House cub spokesman Jimmy Olson on the matter with Olson replying, “Yipes, we are preparing a new ‘super’ announcement from President Trump very soon…maybe in a matter of days…and holy cow, it will be very super.”
Sources inside the White House, on the condition of anonymity because they weren’t authorized to speak, have told Around the Block that President Trump is particularly enthusiastic about the kryptonite project because when he plays with it (and remember, he can play with it since kryptonite has no effect on humans), “the green glow from the kryptonite offsets the ‘orange hue’ from energy efficient light bulbs giving him a ‘much more attractive look.'”
Ok, kryptonite has no effect on most humans!