Commentary
Quinton Lucas (KC) and London Breed (SF) continue the tradition
It’s Friday, February 9th. Super Bowl LVIII* is on Sunday. As some of you might know, this year’s big game pits the AFC champions, the Kansas City Chiefs against the NFC champs, the San Francisco 49ers. And what would be better on the Friday before Super Bowl weekend than the competing mayors making their high-stakes wagers with notable symbols of their respective cities. This year, in a revenge match for San Francisco (the Chiefs beat the Niners in 2020’s Super Bowl LIV when the Chiefs scored 21 straight points in the final 6:13 of the game for a 31-20 victory) San Francisco Mayor London Breed is wagering Dungeness crab and a replica of the Golden Gate Bridge.
*58 for you non-pretentious numerologists
Not particularly creative given all the things San Francisco is famous for: Cable Cars; Rice-a-Roni; the Crookedest Street; Levi’s Jeans; Alcatraz; Haight-Asbury and the “Summer of Love” and so much more.
Kansas City’s Quinton Lucas, after suggesting that the Chief’s “red” was better than the Niners’ “red:”
Hmm, Chiefs, red, arrowhead logo, tomahawk chants…I’m sensing a little political incorrectness in KC, countered with Kansas City BBQ and Taylor Swift(!) bracelets.
Can you imagine living in a city where the mayor has to resort to wagering an artifact from someone who doesn’t even live there? I mean KC has to be known for something beyond BBQ. And even that’s not an exclusive if you take into account Memphis or anywhere in North Carolina. And aren’t they called St. Louis (Missouri) ribs not Kansas City (Missouri) ribs. Get my drift?
Couldn’t Mayor Lucas come up with something more creative? I mean he could have wagered some funny Hallmark Cards. Hallmark, was founded in Kansas City by Joyce Hall (Mr. Hall preferred being referred to as “J.C.” for obvious reasons). Or given that we’re close to tax season, a free tax return prep by Kansas City-based H&R Block would have been nice, (No relation, unfortunately. Actually, brothers Henry and Richard Bloch chose to spell the name “Block” with a K to ensure their name was not mispronounced “blotch”. (Never had to face that problem, although I’ve been known to be called “Blockhead” more than once. But I digress.)
Is that it, KC? A disputable claim to BBQ, Taylor Swift or maybe, two corporations. How about when Will from Oklahoma “got to Kansas City on a Friday” and by “Saturday, learned a thing or two.” What did he learn? Couldn’t he have shared what he learned with Mayor Lucas like he shared it with these cowboys?
Like this, for example:
They got a big theayter they call a burly-que
Fer fifty cents you c’n see a dandy show
One of the gals was fat and pink and pretty
As round above as she was round below
I could swear that she was padded
From her shoulder to her heel
But later in the second act when she began to peel
She proved that ev’rythin’ she had was absolutely real
She went about as fur as she could go
(Yes, sir)
She went about as fur as she could go
Well maybe not that. After all, the Super Bowl is family entertainment, right Janet Jackson?
Searching for something else Mayor Lucas could wager, I found the website, What Is Kansas City Known For? (18 Things It’s Famous For). Surprisingly, there are several items that would have served the mayor better.
With a rich history of blues and jazz, how about a vintage set of Louis Armstrong records?
Or, given that that Walt Disney opened his first-ever animation studio in KC and that Walt got the idea for Mickey Mouse from a real mouse who lived in the building (Walt was friends with a real mouse? Now I understand how he came up with “Fantasia), how about a trip to Disney’s original “Laugh-O-Gram Studio?”
(Back in the day, the NFL missed a bet* when the Super Bowl MVP ran off the field yelling, “I’m going to Disney World” when he should have been yelling “I’m going to Laugh-O-Gram!”)
*Can you say “bet” and “NFL” in the same sentence? Oh, right, Super Bowl LVIII is in Las Vegas!
Check out the KC list for other ideas (or don’t, your call). But c’mon Mr. Mayor. You could have done better.
Needless to say, I can’t finish this story without some suggestions for Mayor Breed that all you “Frisco”haters would have loved to have her offer. The list was compiled with the assistance from my friends at Fox News whose original slogan, “Fair & Balanced” was first replaced with “Most-Watched. Most Trusted,” then, “Real News. Real Honest Opinion” (excuse me, I had to stop writing to catch my breath after five-minutes of non-stop laughing. I’m back now), and then to “Standing Up For What’s Right.” (Wait, there I go again…thanks, I’m back).
Some items from Fox’s list:
- A guided tour to see San Francisco’s best panhandlers up close and personal;
- A gift certificate to the San Francisco’s flagship Nordstrom store in the fabulous, but almost empty, downtown San Francisco Center mall;
- Oops, that Nordstrom closed last year.
- A Waze GPS add-in: Parking in San Francisco where your car won’t get broken into…
I know Fox News could go on, but I won’t. The “City” as we provincially refer to it (New York City, what’s that?) has its share of big-city problems. But it’s still San Francisco, still, in the opinion of many, “the most beautiful city in America.” So perhaps in these days, as Herb Caen’s* beloved city suffers like almost every other major U.S. city, the best wager Mayor Breed might have made would have been a plaque containing one of Caen’s most famous quotes about San Francisco, a quote that described what he’d say if he ever got to heaven and looked around:
“Heaven, it ain’t bad, but it ain’t San Francisco!“
*Herb Caen was a San Francisco humorist and journalist whose daily column of local goings-on and insider gossip, social and political happenings, and offbeat puns and anecdotes—”A continuous love letter to San Francisco”—appeared in the San Francisco Chronicle for almost sixty years and made him a household name throughout the San Francisco Bay Area. It was my, and many others, first read in the Chronicle each morning.
Actually, all this San Francisco talk is kind of silly given that the Niners play in Santa Clara, 45 miles from San Francisco. Can you imagine if the mayor of Santa Clara had to come up with a wager? A tour of the Intel Museum?
With that, on to Sunday and SB-LVIII. May the best team win!
Only kidding.
GO NINERS!
Around the Block 
Love this one, Ted. But you committed blasphemy when you wrote “Frisco” unless you meant an insult from those who don’t like SF or the 49ers. Just sayin!
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What did you think I meant when I said “Frisco haters?” Only a San Francisco hater, a Fox watcher or idiot would say “Frisco.” (BTW, I know all three down here) Maybe I should have said, “Fox-watching, ‘Frisco’-hating, morons” for clarity!
GO NINERS!
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Great Post!
But, who is Taylor Swift?
GO NINERS!
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Hmmmmm. San Francisco may be the most beautiful city in America, but it doesn’t hold a candle to Vancouver, British Columbia — the most beautiful city in North America — where you cam swim in the ocean in the morning, ski diwn a mountain in the afternoon, and walk or bicycle around the Seawall in the evening — all without leaving the city limits. You got your hills, your valleys, your bridges, your rivers, and sonething San Francisco does not have — a False Creek. There is so much to see in Vanvouver it would take weeks to see it all.
As for the Superbowl, The Niners are lucky they are even in it. The Lions handed it to them on a Silver and Honolulu Blue platter. Next year your team will be sitting on the sidelines, or jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge.
But good luck anyway. The are the NFC representatives. This year!
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Wow! You unveiled the (non-Canadian) football commentator that was lurking inside you. Or is it that, with it’s latitude, Detroit feels a little “Canadian” to you. Given how the Niners defense has been showing up (or, rather, not showing up) in the last few games, this will be a challenge, particularly facing a Mahomes who seems at the top of his game. But pre-game talk about winning and losing is cheap; as they say, “that’s why they play the game.”
Re: Vancouver, I’ve been there several times and I agree that it is a beautiful, vibrant and fascinating city. Let’s just agree, when it comes to beautiful North American cities, Vancouver and San Francisco are at the top of the list.
One last thing regarding jumping off the GGB, the “anti-suicide” net is finally in place so more than likely a jump would result in bruises and broken bones but probably not death. I guess they’ll just have to find another way. If your “cheery” prediction comes to fruition next year, perhaps the Niners should think about hiring Dr. Kevorkian, or, if he’s dead, one of his acolytes as their team doctor.
Despite your discouraging words –– GO NINERS!
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All in a day’s sarcasm…
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