Michelangelo’s David, Florida and Porn

Commentary

Those of you who don’t live in the F’d’R (Florida ‘democratic’ Republic) might not be aware of the recent news regarding a charter school principal resigning after allowing her students to be exposed to vicious and malicious pornography.

“A Florida principal has resigned after students at a Christian charter school in Tallahassee were shown the statue of the biblical figure David by Michelangelo, prompting at least one parent to complain that the children had been exposed to pornography.

“Hope Carrasquilla resigned on Monday as principal of the Tallahassee Classical school after the campus’s governing board told her to either step down or be fired over parental complaints that came in after sixth-grade students were shown the 16th-century sculpture, one of the Renaissance’s most famous pieces of art.”

(Am I imagining it, but did I just hear Michelangelo scream from the grave, “Mamma mia, stupidi floridiani!”)

To add insult to injury, a Christian college in Michigan is ending its partnership with Tallahassee Classical for its policy of teaching students about Michelangelo’s David statue.

“Hillsdale College is no longer affiliated with Tallahassee Classical School,” which previously held a license to use Hillsdale’s curricular materials, the college said in a statement.

(Not wanting to put too fine a point on the world of Christian education but Hillsdale College has been described as a private conservative Christian liberal arts college. “Conservative liberal arts?” Can evangelicals also be schizophrenic? Just saying!)

But why, you might ask, am I even writing about this? I mean it’s yesterday’s F’d’R news. Shouldn’t I be writing about Herr DeSantis’ latest egregious bill signing as reported below?:

“Floridians will be able to carry concealed guns without a permit under a bill Republican Gov. Ron DeSantis signed Monday, giving the governor another legislative victory as he prepares a campaign for president.

“The governor signed the bill in a private ceremony in his office. His only immediate public comment was, ‘Constitutional Carry is in the books,’ which he said in a three-paragraph news release.

“The new law will allow anyone who can legally own a gun in Florida to carry one without a permit. It means training and a background check will not be required to carry concealed guns in public. It takes effect July 1.”

Yes, while DeSantis’ “Constitutional Carry” overreach has now put more Floridians and Florida’s children in harm’s way, the “Michelangelo is a pornographer” issue, while not at the same level as loosening gun control laws, has put me in the throws of a dilemma.

Here’s why.

Several years ago Sharon and I, on a trip to New Orleans, visited the NATIONAL WWII MUSEUM. It was a particularly poignant visit for us as both of our fathers served in WWII, and in the same unit…a story I’ll be documenting in my forthcoming collection of short stories called, “Beshert.”

Since that New Orleans visit, I receive promotional emails from the Museum. This week one in particular caught my eye – a new book by Robert M. Edsel called “SAVING ITALY: THE RACE TO RESCUE A NATION’S TREASURES FROM THE NAZIS. (Edsel is also the author of another book, which was adapted into a major motion picture, “THE MONUMENT MEN.”)

Since both our fathers were part of the U.S. forces that liberated Italy, I thought this is a book I need for my library.

Until…I saw the cover.

Yikes! I live in the F’d’R. can I really have a book like this on my bookshelf? Especially because I have a 12-year old great-niece who visits regularly. What if she finds this book and sees that I’m collecting porn? Will I be fined? Will I be arrested? Will I be sent, handcuffed, back to the San Francisco’s “blue” sanctuary? What to do, I thought?

I immediately activated my problem-solving mode and called the Museum. Amazingly, they told me that they’ve already taken care of the F’d’R problem; I wasn’t the first citizen of the F’d’R to contact them.

Their solution, an alternative Florida edition with a revised cover.

While not perfect, since it doesn’t cover all of the David’s offending body parts, Herr DeSantis and his chief of staff, Joe Gerbils, gave it their blessing.

The book, with it’s alternative cover, is now part of my home library. On her next visit, I will be able to use the book to explain to my great-niece the exploits of her great-grandfather (as well as my father) in the liberation of Italy during WWII. I will be able to do so without the threat of retribution from DeSantis’ “FL-GESTAPO.”

I did wonder, however, what will happen when Florida students do their year abroad, perhaps to Florence Italy. I’m not sure if Herr DeSantis (or perhaps in this context, Il Duce) realizes it, but a reproduction of Michelangelo’s (pornographic) statue of David is outside in plain view in Florence’s Piazza della Signoria.

As the thousands of tourists and visitors crowd the Piazza eating their pizza and viewing the David replica, the Florida students will be easy to identify. They’ll be the ones not wearing pandemic masks, but with their eyes covered by blindfolds.