Commentary/News with a Twist
All of his toadies and all of his suck-ups couldn’t put Trumpty together again
Sometime in the future, the New York Times will publish an obituary. The first line of that obituary will read:
“Donald John Trump, the only President of the United States to have been impeached twice, died today. The cause of death is believed to be severe depression, an affliction which began on November 3, 2020…”
And, in Mad Magazine, brought back for one special edition only, the future obituary will read, simply:
“Trumpty Dumpty sat on his wall
Trumpty Dumpty had a great fall
All of his toadies and all of his suck-ups
Couldn’t put Trumpty together again“
The Times obit will continue:
“Mr. Trump, the 45th President of the United States was acquitted by the Senate in both impeachment trials. Despite the fact that in the second impeachment Mr. Trump was accused of being ‘engaged in high Crimes and Misdemeanors by inciting violence against the Government of the United States,’ which led to, at the time, the first attack on the Capitol Building by domestic terrorists, only 10 Republican senators felt that the charge was worthy of conviction, calling for ‘letting bygones be bygones’ instead.
“Of note is the fact the Senate trial in 2021 was convened after Mr. Trump left office on January 20th of that year. Mr. Trump is only the third president to be impeached (fourth if you count both of his impeachments), and, in a first, the only one to have received impeachment and conviction votes from Congressional members of his own party.
“Following his acquittal by the Senate in 2021, Mr. Trump was tried and convicted on both federal and New York charges and sentenced to a total of 300 years in prison.
“Mr. Trump leaves behind three ex-wives (his third wife, Melania, sued for divorce in February 2021) and five children: sons, Donald Trump Jr., currently serving 20 years in federal prison for inciting violence against the Government of the United States; Eric Trump, serving 15 years for income tax evasion; and Barron who is not in prison but has changed his last name to Drumpf to avoid any connections to his father. And daughters: Ivanka Trump-Kushner who ran for the Republican nomination for president in 2024 with her then newly hyphenated name, receiving zero delegate votes in the primaries and who now lives in Alabama, the only state that would allow her residence after she and her husband, Jared Trump-Kushner, were shunned by their socialite friends in both New York and Palm Beach; and Tiffany Trump, who has not been heard from since 2019.
“The only former Trump associate who would speak for attribution on his death was former New York City mayor and disbarred attorney, Rudolph Giuliani. Mr. Giuliani, speaking from his cell at the Sing Sing prison said, ‘In my estimation, Donald Trump was the greatest president in history. And that’s no lie!'”
In fact, if not a lie, it is certainly “fake news,” as Mr. Giuliani’s statement came in the face of a poll of 100 eminent historians and presidential scholars in which Mr. Trump was unanimously voted the worst president in the history of the United States.