BREAKING NEWS: Bernie Sanders wins Northern Mariana Islands caucuses

News with a Twist

Wins 4 delegates from 84 votes; Biden receives 48 votes and 2 delegates

CNN reported that Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders won the Northern Mariana Islands Democratic caucuses Saturday.

Sanders’ double digit win comes just two weeks after former New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg won the Democratic primary in American Samoa.

In congratulating Sanders on his win in the Northern Mariana caucuses, former vice president and presumptive 2020 Democratic presidential candidate, Joe Biden, announced that he is in the process of deciding which of the two will be named Secretary of Places No One Knew Were Part of the United States saying, “If the nod goes to Mike, Bernie need not worry, I have a job for him as well…Commissar of Socialist Programs and Give-Aways the Can’t Happen.”

Upon hearing the news President Trump tweeted, “Crazy Bernie shouldn’t do a victory dance yet. I hear he’s way behind in the Southern Mariana Islands which I won by a 50-point margin in 2016.”

When informed that there are no “Southern Mariana Islands” and that what he was referring to was Guam, Trump said he was going to issue an executive order changing Guam’s name saying, “Too confusing. Isn’t Guam part of Japan?”

Published by Ted Block

Ted Block is a veteran “Mad Man,” having spent 45+ years in the advertising industry. During his career, he was media director of several advertising agencies, including Benton & Bowles in New York and Foote, Cone and Belding in San Francisco; account management director on clients as varied as Clorox, Levi’s and the California Raisin Advisory Board (yes, Ted was responsible for the California Dancing Raisins campaign); and regional director for Asia based in Tokyo for Foote, Cone where he was also the founding president of FCB’s Japanese operations. Ted holds a Bachelor’s degree in communications from Queens College and, before starting in advertising, served on active duty as an officer on USS McCloy (DE-1038) in the U.S. Navy.

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