News with a Twist
Nat’s management working on plans to avoid presidential appearance
Satire from Ted Block
**Alert — This Around the Block contains “Twisted News” that some may consider politically incorrect, insensitive and offensive.**
The Washington Post reported today that President Trump plans to attend Game 5 of the World Series at Nationals Park on Sunday if the Washington Nationals and Houston Astros are still playing.
Given Trump’s dismal approval ratings in the Washington DC area: Approve 21%/Disapprove 76%, Nationals’ management is making contingency plans to help ensure that Trump’s appearance will not occur and spoil the Nationals magical World Series run.
According to our sources, Nationals’ assistant general manager for presidential attendance, Whitey Whitehouse, is working on two potential tracks, both requiring help from Washington’s NFL team, the Redskins.
The Redskins, whose owner, Dan Snyder, has stated that the team will never change its name despite the fact that the name is considered offensive, disparaging and insulting, doubled down recently by hiring Chief Wahoo, the recently fired symbol of baseball’s Cleveland Indians, and a board-certified Medicine Man. Snyder has indicated that he will lend Chief Wahoo to the Nationals this one-time only to allow him to do his Medicine Man magic and help his neighboring team.
The preferred track, both for the team and its fans, is for the Nationals to simply sweep the Astros by winning Games 3 and 4 at Nationals Park, making Game 5 unnecessary. In that regard, prior to Games 3 and 4, Chief Wahoo will perform the Sun Dance and offer prayers for a Nationals win to the Great Spirit of Victory, Wakan Tanka.
Since even Chief Wahoo’s chants and prayers can’t guarantee a Nationals sweep, and if Game 5 becomes necessary, the second track will have Chief Wahoo on Sunday morning go to the War God Spring where the clouds are born and give offerings and request rain. A rainout will move Game 5 from Sunday to Monday when Trump will not be available because he will be spending the whole day in “Executive Time” (aka, watching Fox News).
“One way or another, we’re counting on Chief Wahoo to come through and avert what would be a very unpleasant and unpopular appearance by the President,” Whitehouse said.