MAGA Mike, George Santos and Tommy Tuberville forced me to take a break from my break

Commentary

I guess I couldn’t help myself

Yeah, I know I wrote in my last post, “Maybe it’s time to take a break.”

But I also wrote, “You know, when I started Around the Block 10 or so years ago, most of my posts were satirical…It was a great time to make fun of events and public figures.”

Well, wouldn’t you know it, not a week after that post a few things crossed my desk that are not only funny, they’re ridiculously funny. And, they don’t even require me to “twist the news” to satirize them. Nor do they require me to spend a lot of time writing; frankly these write themselves.

MAGA Mike’s Wife Sends a Fund-Raising Email – TO ME!

I received an email from someone named Kelly Johnson yesterday. The subject line read, “My husband, Speaker Johnson.” Suffice it to say, the first reaction I had was that MAGA Mike, or his cheerleader wife Kelly, should shop around for a new email provider. Targeting me? What were they thinking? Did they not realize the unintended consequences of sending me this email.

The unintended consequences? Curious about the “Speaker Survey” I clicked on the link and saw, in black and white…or more properly given this is MAGA Mike, red, white and blue…the legislative agenda of the Speaker of the House of the United States of America clearly enumerated in question #3

Needless to say, the top issues I’d like to see Congress take up in the next legislative issue do not include, “Protecting the Unborn,” “Stopping federal overreach,” “Securing our border” (at least the way Donald Trump and MAGA Mike would secure it), “Standing up to socialism” (whatever that means), or “Restarting the economy” (an economy that doesn’t need restarting).

I was going to take the survey until I noticed I had to either donate to MAGA Mike, or at the very least, declare, “I am with you, but not at this time.” Let me be perfectly clear, MAGA Mike, I’m not with you, not at this time and not ever!

A survey that outlines legislative priorities like these, and then sending them to someone like me, would be funny if it wasn’t so grim.

Expelled Congressman George Santos’ latest grift

As reported by the Associated Press:

Ex-Rep. Santos offering personalized videos for $200 

ALBANY, N.Y. – George Santos already has a new gig.

The former congressman, fresh off his historic expulsion last week, has created a Cameo account where the public can pay for a personalized video message.

Screenshots of his account – with the bio “Former congressional ‘Icon’!” – started to spread online Monday morning. By the afternoon, users, including several lawmakers, were posting clips of Santos offering advice, blowing kisses and making cracks about Botox.

“Screw the haters. The haters are going to hate,” he said in one of the videos shared by Nebraska state Sen. Megan Hunt. “Look, they can boot me out of Congress but they can’t take away my good humor or my larger-than-life personality nor my good faith and the absolute pride I have for everything I’ve done.”

The price for a personalized video from Santos started at $75 and by Monday evening went as high as $200. He is also selling text messages for $10.

Santos did not immediately return a voicemail seeking comment on Monday but added a link to the Cameo account on his personal account on X, formerly known as Twitter.

Last week Santos was expelled from the House following a scandal-plagued tenure in Congress and a looming criminal trial. He is only the sixth member in the chamber’s history to be ousted by colleagues.

Days later, he appeared to be in good spirits, smiling as he told another Cameo user: “You know, Botox keeps you young, fillers keep you plump.”

The videos mark the latest bizarre turn for Santos, a once up-and-coming Republican who flipped a district in New York but whose life story began to immediately unravel as he entered the spotlight.

Reports detailed that he lied about having Jewish ancestry, a career at top Wall Street firms and a college degree, among other things.

Then came a sprawling federal indictment in which he is accused of stealing the identities of campaign donors and using their credit cards to make tens of thousands of dollars in unauthorized charges, and wiring some of the money to his personal bank account.

Santos has pleaded not guilty and has a trial scheduled for next year.

Ten years ago, this is a story that I’d have made up and labeled, “News with a Twist.” In 2023, it’s real!

Senator Tommy Tuberville is ‘dumb as a box of rocks!‘

As reported by many news outlets, Coach, er, Senator Tuberville dropped his holds on more than 430 military promotions. But not all; he intends to delay 11 four-star posts still pending in the Senate in continued protest of the Pentagon’s abortion access policy.

Tuberville, in announcing the drop of his promotion holds said, “I have no regrets. We saw some success, but we didn’t get as much out of this as we wanted.” Most people would suggest if Tuberville’s definition of success is derision and vilification from almost everyone on both sides of the aisle, he was successful. IMHO, his “successful actions” earn him the sobriquet, ‘dumb as a box of rocks.”*

*Note – I use the term ‘dumb as a box of rocks’ with caution. In my Around the Block/News with a Twist former life, I wrote a story about Donald Trump Jr. being called ‘dumb as a box of rocks’ by a Hilary Clinton Super Pac. At the time, I reported,

RoxBox^TM, owner of the world’s most popular range of boxes of rocks replied to the accusation with this statement: “We are extremely chagrined by the “Donald Trump, Really?” Super Pac contention that Donald Trump Jr. is ‘dumb as a box of rocks.’ For too long boxes of rocks have been disparaged and denigrated. But this is a new low. To characterize a box of rocks to be as dumb as Donald Trump Jr. is hurtful and an historic belittlement. We look for the “Donald Trump, Really?” Super Pac to immediately and unequivocally disavow their comparison.”**

**Note – Full disclosure, I made most of that up!