News with a Twist
Satire from Ted Block
Show to be executive produced by Donald Trump, hosted by 2nd daughter, Tiffany.
Around the Block has learned that Donald Trump is executive producing a new weekly show to air on Fox News. Titled “GE Coronavirus Bowl,” the program will be sponsored by the General Electric company in return for a $75 billion bailout which will be used by the company for executive compensation and stock buybacks.
The show will be loosely based on the 1960’s era CBS-TV show, “GE College Bowl.”
In this new show, two teams, “The Reds,” represented by three red state Republican governors, will compete against a team called “The Blues” consisting of three blue state, Democratic governors.
Apparently Trump, in an attempt to recoup his personal monetary losses, decided to pitch the show to Fox after lamenting at a recent coronavirus task force presser that he’s a “rich guy” who’s “lost billions of dollars since he’s been president” .
Around the Block using press credentials obtained surreptitiously from The Alex Jones Show, attended the taping of the pilot show and was handed the show’s press release.
“GE Coronavirus Bowl” is hosted by Tiffany Trump, the only Trump family member for whom a cushy job hasn’t been secured. For the pilot taping “The Reds” will be represented by Ron DeSantis (Florida), Tate Reeves (Mississippi) and Greg Abbott (Texas) while Gavin Newsom (California), Andrew Cuomo (New York) and Jay Inslee (Washington) will make up “The Blues.”
Here’s how the first few question rounds went.
Tiffany Trump: “Welcome to GE Coronavirus Bowl brought to you by General Electric, where ‘We Bring Good Things to Life.’ Now, let’s get right into it. What’s the best way to slow the spread of the coronavirus?”
Red Team: (Answered by Ron DeSantis) “Issue a state-wide closing of all non-essential businesses including bars, restaurants and theaters, ban gatherings of more than 50 people and close all beaches. But give local authorities the power to override any of these mandates so anyone can do whatever they want. This is a free country after all.”
Tiffany: “No governor, I’m sorry that is incorrect. Blue team?
Blue Team: (Answered by Andrew Cuomo) “Do all the things Ron mentioned and several more and make it state-wide with no deviations allowed by mayors, county executives or any other local or municipal authorities. And, coordinate all these actions with all bordering states so that citizens, unhappy with the rules, can’t simply go to a neighboring state, break the rules and potentially spread the virus when they return.”
Tiffany: “That’s correct Blue team. So after one round, the Blues have 100 points, the Reds, minus 50. On to the next question: It is reported that there is a woeful shortage of medical equipment including respirators, and protective gear like masks, gloves and surgical gowns. What’s the the best way to get this type of equipment to hospitals, first responders and patients in need in your states? Red Team?
Reds: (Answered by Greg Abbott) “Allow the states and even local governments in those states to approach suppliers of these equipments and negotiate the best deals they can. Competition is at the heart of our capitalist system. Those with the best negotiating skills and the most to offer the manufacturers get what they need. If there’s price gouging, well, Lordy, that’s the American way. Plus, as President Trump said, the Federal government is not a delivery service. This is a survival of the fittest situation. We are a federalist society and there’s no place for big government intervention, no place for the creation of a socialist state. We cannot allow a situation where ‘the meek shall not inherit the earth.’ Amen“
Tiffany: “Sorry, Governor, that is incorrect. Blue team?”
Blues: (Answered by Jay Inslee) “The President must invoke and immediately use the Defense Production Act which gives the federal government broad authority to direct private companies to meet the needs of the national defense. In this case, to boost private industry production of supplies needed for the health crisis. And with production up, the federal government needs to deliver the equipment to the states, free of charge, based on need.“
Tiffany: “Correct. So after two rounds, the Blues have 200 points, the Reds, minus 100. Next question: There have been many ideas and suggestions regarding how best to handle this crisis. What would you say is the best single solution?”
Reds: (Answered by Tate Reeves) “To pray!”
Tiffany: No Governor Reeves, that is incorrect. In fact, I really can’t believe that’s your answer. Blue team, your answer?
But before Gavin Newsome could respond for the Blue team, Reeves interrupted.
“I don’t need any of your lip, missy. I know you’re a Trump, but your papa has told me on many occasions that he didn’t know where you came from. You should be thankful to the Lord in Heaven that he even gave you this job.”
Taping stopped at this point so everyone could cool down. But as I was leaving I overheard the show’s producer, Lou Dobbs, on the phone saying, “Yes, I understand Mr. President, but this was only the pilot…Yes, I know I recommended Tiffany. I was just trying to do you a favor and give her a meaningful job…Yes, I know you don’t know where she came from…Right. I’ll replace Tiffany with Laura Ingraham for the regular series. And, yes, I’ll tell Tiffany. I know you don’t like to fire anyone despite your famous catchphrase.”
Around the Block has not confirmed reports that after he fired Tiffany Trump, Dobbs himself was fired and replaced as producer by Jared Kushner.